Loose Pages

I had my dog Alex, DNA tested for DM which is Degenerative Myelopathy. I first noticed that he had a problem about a year and a half ago when I noticed his back legs crossing. He has all of the symptoms of the disease. I know they say there are other diseases that mimic DM but from what I have researched there seems to be pain involved and he has no pain that I can tell other than the frustration of not being able to come up the stairs. His pain seems to be frustration and stress. 

He tested as a carrier of the disease although they say most likely he does not have it. I disagree. I think he definitely has it and he is slowly but progressively getting worse. Today I watched him defecate while he was sleeping. He had no idea he was even doing it. This is not the first time he has done this. It is becoming more frequent. He won't use the stairs anymore to go outside nor will he use them to come back in so I have to help him come through the garage which he doesn't like to do because in the past his back end has slipped and he fell, so he is very hesitant to come through the garage as the concrete is slippery but he will if I help him and am there with him. 

I'm thinking of his quality of life. He doesn't seem to be in any pain. Most of the day and night he lays around. Sometimes I don't even realize he's around because he's just sleeping someplace in the back of the house. He does have a little spark once in a while and wags his tail and acts happy, nudges Lucy his favorite cat - but those days are few. He normally will be close to where I am. If I am in the kitchen or living room he will come out to that area and sleep. If I am in my office he will come into the office or the hallway outside the door and sleep. He is still able to walk even as he is wobbly. He also has a hard time getting up. 

I will call the vet to see what he says but in the end, this is a disease with no cure. There is not much that can be done with him at this point other than to keep him comfortable. He will be 11 years old in April. Even if he did have some kind of something to help him - the chance of him living much longer is just not there anyway. There is nothing to help prolong his life - even if he was healthy - he is at the end of his life span. 

I am at the point of making that dreaded decision about whether or not it is time to send him to The Rainbow Bridge. It would be nice if he could make it to his 11th birthday but I just don't know anymore. It's not a decision that I will make today. Sometimes, I just wish that my friend would quietly and painlessly die in his sleep so I wouldn't have to make that decision that I do not want to ever have to make. I have been crying off and on all day today. What a shitty day today has been.